One of the most famous baseball comedy acts to ever take place was the humorous exchange between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. The words alone cannot do it justice, but it is still quite funny to read. The skit was originally done on the radio live (each & every time)
Abbott & Costello performed this entire exchange live on the radio exactly as it appears several thousands times and Baseball Almanac has the script and recording on there web site.
http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why.
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in South Africa.'' His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked,
''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, "No, why do you ask?"
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Alabama who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL , on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu, Louisiana Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
"Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere.."
The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
Did you know that about 35 million speeding tickets are written every year. Most are not contested. They go to court and pay the fine, pay court costs, get a hike in there car insurance and points on their license. A recent study by an attorney specializing in traffic tickets showed that 60% of his contested cases were won. Of that amount, over 40% were won by lack of prosecution - No Officer = Not Guilty. An additional 25% were won through the inability to prove the charges. As you can see, just by going to court and contesting your ticket, the odds are in your favor.
The magic word in contesting a speeding ticket is Attorney. Unfortunately most of the time we get as much justice as we can afford. The cost of an attorney would be more than the fine an fees involved. However, (keep on reading help is on the way) if you have a life;s event plan your attorney will go to court with you.
Let's go back to the beginning when you got the ticket, When the officer approaches your vehicle he will likely ask you one of two standard questions:
Do you know why I stopped you? -- Your response is, “No officer, I don’t.”
Do you know how fast you were going? -- here are a couple of responses “I’m not really sure.” or “I wasn’t speeding and I checked my speedometer right before you stopped me.”
The key element here is not to admit anything. You have a right to remain silent but the officer isn’t required to advise you of this right (Mirandize). Do not respond by saying, “Well I think I was doing about 75 when you know you are in a 65 mph speed limit. This is called admitting your quilt!
When the officer asks for your license, registration and proof of insurance tell him where they are located and ask to get them before reaching for anything. If you are in a state which allows concealed weapons, by all means notify him of the weapons location. If your documents are in the glove box or console, get them and close the compartment. This way the officer isn’t worried about you reaching in for an illegal weapon while he is writing your citation. You know your not a nut, but, the officer does not know it. I give him license, registration, proof of insurance and my card from my life;s event plan that ask permission to call my attorney. Included in my plan is (24 hour/7 days a week) number to reach an attorney on the spot.
For more information about this plan send me an email and I will email you a video explaining how you can have an attorney for as little as $ 17.00 a month. Imagine having an attorney to draw up a will, represent you in traffic court, go with you if your audited by IRS, give you unlimited advice on any subject, help you with a depute with your neighbor or landlord and many other things. Get the video. dengriffin@live.com
Last week as I was driving, my friend and I were approaching the intersection when the truck some two hundred and fifty feet ahead of me started to back up. Well he hit me. When the police came he said I hit him and I told the officer he hit me. The police report said, “unable to tell who was at fault”. It looks like I will not get a dime as I only have collision insurance. Now, I have more than the insurance. I have a lawyer. Well, you know what happened next, I called my lawyer.
There is a bright side. I took pictures be before the police got there. I got a lawyer giving me advice from day one. In another picture it shows that my truck was a long distance from the intersection. He said, in the police report, he was fifty feet from the intersection. The only the accident could happen is for him to be backing up.
I read motivational story from Jim Rohn's news letter this morning. I want to share it with you.
The caterpillar one day says, “I think I was made for more than this crawling on the ground.” So the caterpillar climbs the tree, attaches himself to a leaf and spins the cocoon. Who knows what disciplined effort it takes to spin a cocoon. But something inside the caterpillar says, “I was designed for something more than being just a caterpillar.”
And then when the cocoon is ready and it opens up, out comes a butterfly that flies away, maybe singing, “I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! I used to be a caterpillar on the ground, now I fly.”
I'm not going to stay a caterpillar walking (my truck wont go) on the ground. With my PrePaidLegal attorney “I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! As in my case “up jumped the devil” but no hill for me to clime alone, I got an attorney.
You can have one too. Go to http://dennisgriffin.buildlastingsuccess.com
Lets all get plugged in 100% to our System!
Wednesday, April 20
9:30pm (e) Performance International Team Weekly Training Call (please dial in 10-15 minutes early and announce your name & city/state please) 605-475-4409 pin 65485# Replay is available for one week on 605-475-4419 pin 65485# + recording pin 605475# Thursday April 21, 2011 Training / Bridge Builders (associates only) 6200 Quary Lane Independence, Oh 7:00pm Registration 7:30pm Training Saturday April 23, 2011 Fast Start Training Fairfield Inn & Suites 3750 Orange Place Beachwood, Oh 7:30am Registration 8:00am Training Build your team now in preparation for May 3rd Super Tuesday Mr Darnell Self. Lets increase our invites this week. Tickets available only at Thursday Bridge Builders Training! $10 Adv $15 Door!
FROM NIGHTINGALE.COM
"First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas
and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The
beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination."
— Napoleon Hill: Was a lecturer and author of books on achieving success
"If you're feeling low, don't despair. The sun has a sinking spell every night, but it comes back up every morning. The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
~ Dolly Parton
